Yesterday I wore pants. For the whole day and I was comfortable. I think I’m actually going to get myself a new pair of pants & boyfriend jeans just for control.
You must be wondering so what if I wore pants? Womxn wear them all the time. Well, not me. I stopped wearing pants over seven years ago. In my teens, I mostly wore pants. I’d only put on a dress on Sunday for church.
I felt uncomfortable on Sundays because all of a sudden I’d need to be conscious of how I sat and would rush home after church so that I could change into pants. Ma would buy me a skirt now and again and I’d refuse to wear them. I just didn’t want to. I also didn’t like my legs:( That’s a story for another day.
Anyway, fast forward to varsity. One day out of the blue, I felt like wearing a skirt. I had to have a conversation with myself about my issues with my legs. I did and I made peace with ingcondo zam. I tried on a skirt that I’d had for years. By now, I was no longer going to church because I had a weekend job and that meant I no longer wore dresses at all.
I put on the skirt. I was expecting discomfort to follow soon after. But it never came. Instead I enjoyed the airiness of the skirt. There was something feminine about it and I quite enjoyed it.
So I decided to wear a dress/skirt at least once a week. I was still on a trial run. Ma was excited. She started buying me dresses. I fell in love with them. Months later, I stopped wearing pants altogether. I was also tired of the struggle of finding pants that fit just right. I have a tiny waist with a bit of a bum. So jeans would fit around the hip area but be big on my waist. Finding the perfect fit was a mission.
I had just discovered how comfortable dresses were and I loved how they made me feel. I guess I was also making up for all those years of only wearing pants. I gave away my pants. I only kept three because one was brand new and the other two were for just in case I changed my mind about the wardrobe transition.
About two years later, I moved out of home and left the pants behind because I knew I had lost interest in them. I had to contend with the question of why don’t you wear pants? Is it a religious decision? It was none of those. I just didn’t feel like wearing pants.
I continued my fabulous relationship with dresses. When shopping, I wouldn’t even look at the pants section. As a results, my wardrobe space is mostly taken up by dresses. I have a stunning dress collection, though I say it myself:)
For years I never had the urge to buy or wear pants, but that changed earlier this year. I started thinking about owning at least a pair. I quite like the sneakers and pants look on Fridays. I decided to wait and see how long this feeling would last.
It persisted so I decided to give pants a try. I didn’t want to buy pants just in case it was a fleeting feeling. I went home to get the old pants I’d left behind.
They still fit so I wore one about three weeks ago. I was a bit uncomfortable, but I tried again the following week. They were OK, except for the fact that when I go to the loo, I have to deal with the belt, button and zip. It’s such a process! Dresses are easy. Or they’ve made me lazy.
Anyway, yesterday, I wore them for the third time. I quite enjoyed walking around with my hands in my pockets and I think I’m ready to wear them again. Baby steps though as I’ve been out of the game for so long that the thought of shopping for pants is a bit intimidating.
Side note: Initially, I planned to include a picture of myself wearing pants from yesterday:) However, as an awkward person, taking pictures can be daunting. I don’t know how to pose and I get annoyed with myself so I don’t take lots of pictures. Anyway, I took three pictures, but I wasn’t happy with them. I asked my neighbour’s six-year-old to take pictures of me. He obliged. The pictures were OK, but my awkwardness came through. So I decided to delete them. Yup, that’s me. The struggle is real.